Day15-Nov 6

Today was my first day doing the recycling paper experiment, and i think it went well. I only used 2 napkins and one paper towel, which i used to its full extent before throwing it away. But, as i'm sitting here, writing about napkins and paper towels, i realize i want to to something bigger, something deeper, something that really means something, a change in my life. What can i change about the way i am, or the way i live that will not only help me feel better about myself but will also help the environment? Whatever it is im sure recycling is not the answer. But what is? I need to dig deeper into myself, find reasons for the way that i do the things i do, change them if wrong, or enhance them if right. How can i, alone, make a difference in this world?

Well, honestly, i have no idea. Call me pessimistic, yet again, but i don't really see how one person can do much to change anything. I mean, of course there are exceptions, there are those who are fully and completely committed to a cause, there are those who are simply so brilliant it's impossible for them not to change the world somehow, but then there are people like me who don't really excel at anything in particular and who go through life content with merely being mediocre at everything that they do. So how can these people make an impact?

Well, for starters someone could tell them (me) to build up some self-esteem. But it's not that i have such low self-esteem, it's just that i'm realistic about who i am and i don't feel the need to find excuses for it. I simply accept it, and move on with it. My sister, and 2 cousins are the brain of the family, i'm simply the baby. They don't really expect anything from me, which kinda made me grow up not expecting anything from myself. And although i don't, sometimes all i want to to is make my family, my mom, proud. And i don't know how to do that when i'm always feeling like the odd one out. But i'm getting off the subject, an impact, something real that can revolutionize the world, or maybe my life. How can i achieve that? Where do i even start?