Ok so 5 days. this is good. 2 more days and it'll be a week. i think i will make it. and i think i will quit smoking for good. but i should talk about something else today, since i feel like all i've been writing about for the past 5 days are cigarettes.
So i have decided on another experiment: i will try to be more outspoken in my classes. i will try to speak up more often, or at all is more like it. I wrote previously about why i usually don't say anything in my classes, why i don't even dare ask questions, much less participate in any kind of discussion, debate or dialogue, and i think it's time to change things. why? well, first of all if i ever want to have any kind of confidence in myself then i need to learn to trust myself. i need to be able to understand that my opinions are my opinions, and they're not wrong, they're just mine. I may not be the best public speaker, i may not be able to express myself as clearly as i would want, but what i have to say matters, and what i have to say may actually make a difference, or may actually change the way another person thinks, or it maybe not, maybe what i say won't impact anyone at all, but it will definitely impact me. It will help me. It will help me understand that there is no reason to be afraid. no reason to doubt myself. no reason to make myself think any less about myself. no reason to let others think less of me.
So yeah, i probably chose a bad timing for this since my month of journal/experiments is almost up and today is Friday which means i won't be able to start my experiment until monday. But at least i'll try for a few days, i'll do my best, and i'll report back and see how it went.
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